This year I have been managing my sons hockey team and it has taught me A-LOT!!
A lot about being a manager, a lot about what goes on behind the scenes to make things happen, a lot about personality types and a lot about making people unhappy!
I currently have 2 possibly 3 or 4 moms on my team that I have upset in some way. How is not the issue, but the way that they are handling it is.
It seems as if in 2 short weeks, these women have managed to reverse the aging process and have fully resorted back to high school mean girl mentality. They refuse to talk to me at the games, when I approach them they give me short one word answers, they smile with tight lips so I know they are forcing it and faking it and the other day the queen motherbitch even slammed the door right in my face. It’s been a great 2 weeks!
So, point noted. I get the picture. You’re angry about something.
Now can we just take a step back and think about how old we are, please. I’m not entirely sure what it is that you are trying to do with this passive aggressive behavior of late. Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Are you trying to get back and me and make me angry? Are you trying to “show me I messed with the wrong person” type of thing? Weel, unfortunately for you, I do not play these types of games.
I will continue to talk to you at the rink and be the bigger person. I won’t let your bullying ruin my experience of enjoying my son’s hockey.
The only thing it does make me feel is sad for you. Sad that even at this day and age you think this is appropriate behavior. Sad that you can let whatever it is that is bothering you bring you down to that level. Sad that you aren’t mature enough to verbally discuss in an adult manner what has upset you and work towards some sort of truce. Sad that your kids are watching that behavior and learning that it is acceptable.
As the manager of a team that is now clearly divided, I am upset by that. I hate that we all aren’t cheering on our kids together and celebrating in all their success as a group. What I see lately is the exact reason why so many have left not only hockey, but all sports in general. Bad parental attitudes have left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and the children see that and it will become part of their hockey memories and will ultimately play a large part in how they choose to view their own experience with sports.
You don’t have to like me personally, it really doesn’t bother me. But I do think we can all act civil in public to each other at the very least.
As a manager, I am going to have to figure out a way to deal with this and try to find some sort of solution that hopefully can bring us back to some common ground. Maybe it can be done and maybe it can’t. All I can do is try and hope that they do to.
What do you think I should do to start the conversation? An email, a phone call, an in person chat or do you think I should worry about trying at all? I’d love to hear some thoughts on how you would approach this.
myJAMpackedlife 
As a fellow mom-manager I can see where you are coming from. I manage 3 of my 5 kids’ teams and my husband helps to coach all 5 in some capacity. I have managed at least 2 teams for the past 11 years and have had my fair share of parent issues. It is a hard job to please everyone. It is tough to be criticized for making decisions on behalf of the whole team. I know that I have lost a few friendships over silly matters.
What I am wondering is why you think that being the ‘bigger person’ means sitting at your computer and writing a post bashing these other moms instead of confronting them face to face? Sitting back and doing nothing will only cause any issues to fester and grow into something much larger down the road. Will this be your son’s last year playing on a team with these children? Will you have to spend next season in the rink with these same moms?
Maybe by actually talking to them, not attacking them, you would be able to work out a solution to whatever it is that is bothering them as well as you. I know from experience that sometimes leaving things alone and running and hiding from it, makes things a lot worse, when it could have just been a slight miscommunication or someone was having a bad day. The way you see things and the way they see it are obviously on two very different levels. If you value maintaining a civil environment with these women, it would be best to discuss it so that all parties can move on. I am not trying to tell you what to do, only provide some insight from my experiences. Hope this helps.
it always helps to think about things from a different perspective. With hockey season over now, I am sure that things will settle down. Once we are not in each other’s faces all the time, I really believe things will just die out. I’ve let them all know that I was hurt and disappointed by their actions and that’s where I will leave it for now. Sometimes I just need to vent to make myself feel better. It did after writing it down. I know I am not perfect either, sometimes we just make mistakes.
I have been in a similar situation except on the other side of it…so i can maybe help you see things the other way.
In my situation, i think that the coaches and managers needed to take a look at what they are doing that may have cause hard feelings between parents on the team. Was everyone treated fairly and included in what was happening on and off the ice. I know that it can be hard with all the personality differences but if you want to be a strong team on and off the ice everyone needs to feel valued, included, and decide(some not all as thats why there is a manager) things together not just with a select group.
I think that when you take on a managing or coaching position you need to make your team feel they are more then welcome to come and talk to you about what might be bothering them and that it will be kept confidential and not gossiped about or belittled as soon as your turn your back.
Yes managing is a hard position and i give credit to all those who do it, trying to make everyone happy is a hard job. I attempted it so know i probably was not the best liked person on the team that year either haha
Sometimes the way we read people might not be accurate and sometimes we really need to take a step back and look at what we are doing/acting and see if we have been genuine and a good person ourselves before we point fingers at others.
Kind of a rant, but hope it helps…. and i would forsurely go talk to the parents and just be honest with them, it might cause ruffled feathers but at least its in the open.
When I look back on the year, i see that i could very well have done more to include everyone. I appreciate that insight greatly.
Ps it’s not only Moms who engage in this crap! And it does seem to get abit better as the kids get older….but that’s likely my view from the corner talking. 😉
You are a brave lady! As a Hockey Mom for the past 8yrs, you couldn’t pay me enough to manage a team even if I could hand pick the parents (kids) on that team.
As for this sitch, I’d say nothing but that’s my nature. Let them stew and go about my business……Alone!
I’m the parent (as is my husband and the boys dad) who stands in the corner of the rink at the boards, instead of the bleachers with the rest of the “them”. We’re anti hocket parent. LoL we there too support our kids, we learnt very early on to stay out of the drama.
Hope you figure it out 🙂
I’m a hockey mom to, so far, 2 of 4 kids and I hear you!!! I too, see and hear the competition that goes on in the stands which some days is more fierce than the competition on the ice! I’m on the fence between a face to face confrontation and just leaving it and letting them be adult about it and have them come to you if there is an issue. is it worth it to have a confrontation about something that may not be important or changeable?? Is it up to you to make everyone happy??? Is anything going to be accomplished with a confrontation?
I wish you luck with your managerial duties for the rest of the year….it’s going to be done soon!!!!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. While i wish the situation was different, a confrontation i believe will only make things worse and I don’t want that on my shoulders. She has a right to her own opinion of me and i don’t think she will ever change that.