The moment I knew I was done, 100%

22 Mar

I have a confession to make. Now that I’m done having babies, i no longer find babies as irresistible as I once did . I mean, i think they are cute and cuddly but I the desire to pick up a baby, to talk cutsy with a baby or spend hours on the floor playing with a baby just isn’t what it used to be for me. And i used to love doing that. I don’t want people i know to think i don’t enjoy their babies, I just think the experience with my own babies and how much work they were is just too raw for me to allow me to enjoy them as would have years earlier. I loved my babies, but i would be lying if i didn’t say that i wished them out of every stage as fast as possible. now that my oldest 2 are older, school agers, i find activities to be more enjoyable and less of a hassle making babies seem like even more work than I remember I think.

The realization came to me yesterday when i was shopping without any kids, and i saw a lady haul 4 kids under the age of 5 out of her vehicle and proceed to go shopping. My only thought was “that looks like my worst nightmare”. I didn’t always think that way. Before i had kids and even when i had my first 2 i never thought much about having a big family like that. In fact, i probably would have thought, i could do that. Then my kids grew up and got older and things got easier, more relaxed a bit and i can’t imagine going back to all those little ones. Keep in mind i still have a 2 year old and she is just starting to become a true 2 year old with tantrums and all. So maybe that is why I just want to stay away from babies, because I know what they turn into. The thought of having another baby in my life right now is not anything that sounds like fun. My 2 year old doesn’t sleep through the night and she isn’t potty trained yet. Maybe because I was all done with that before i had her, its making it seem that much harder to start over again?

I always thought the 4 years age gap between my middle and youngest would be perfect. When my older two were ready to move out, I would still have my baby at home with me for a few more years. I still feel that way, but I wonder if when my baby grows out of the toddler stage I will long for the snuggles and cuddles of a baby again? Right now, the joys of watching them grow and learn and become amazing people independent of me is absolutely wonderful to me. I know that when my baby is 5 I will be ready for the world to stop and let me enjoy it all but for now I am still too busy wishing away these trying times that come with babies. I guess its true when people say, when you’re done having babies you will know. I know. 100% i know.


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