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Letters to heaven #1

23 Jan

Hey girl. I know u aren’t reading this but somehow as I type I hope u r with me and hearing my thoughts. There is no way for me to get to u but I have  words that can not go unsaid still. So I say them to myself fully believing u hear them somehow.

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Today i am missing you deeply again.

So much. I doubt that will ever change.

i can’t even pick a place to start. I just miss everything about u.
But lately, I miss the way you made me feel.
Sometimes I think if I can just get back to some of the things we shared, I’ll get that feeling back. We made some bad choices, some poor life decisions along the way all and some great choices that led to some of the best times I know I’ll ever experience.
I miss your carefree fuck it attitude. There is really no one who is so free. Or if there is I haven’t met them. I miss the way you drew in everyone whether you just met them on the street or have known them for years. I miss that random useless information that people always felt the need to tell you. I miss how you could never get enough of life. How the strangest ideas somehow seemed absolutely normal and completely rationale at 2 am.

I miss the future too. our plans for the future. the things we would have done in the future. the life we would have had together. The comfort of the security of sharing my life with someone who mattered. People  will come go in and out of my life now. But i want that one stable person that was supposed to be you. You and me. together.

So right now, I sit in the middle of this mall on a bench crying like some strange weirdo as I type and I wonder what people think. How messed up is this girl probably is what they think.

And to that I say Fuck it.

And i continue to sit here and cry all the while just missing u still so much.

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