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Stage of Grief – Anger.

17 May

When I wrote the post “The day the world in which i was living was destroyed”, I meant it. That world that I once was a part of – is no longer.

And then I wrote Life Goes On and I meant that too.

I used to be walking along Path A. A path which Icould somewhat guess the way. I knew it was filled with school activities for the kids, girls trips, lake trips, long days at the beach, surviving the teenage years, travel when our kids were grown and finally ending with side by side rooms at the the old folks home. All with her.

But now that path no longer exists and I am have been thrown onto Path B. A path where I have no idea where to go, what is happening and where I will end up. Im just spinning in circles trying to find someway to landmark where I am.

So I’m sorry if your Path A has a speed bump in it and has slowed you down, but mine was destroyed. I no longer walk along the same path as you, I no longer live in the same world as you.

I’m told anger is a stage of grief. And I can see how grief and loss destroys certain relationships. We all want people to grieve exactly like us. To feel what we are feeling at the same time as we are feeling it. When I see people who are happy, when they talk about things that they would have talked about before this happened, I get angry. And I don’t want them around.

It makes me angry when I feel like nothing in your world has changed. you hit a bump, dealt with it and moved on. But everything in my world has changed. I can’t pretend like things are good. I cant pretend like I am happy to be doing the same things as I would have been if this never happened. I’m not there yet. And I might not be for a long time, maybe even never.

People have said many things to me all in the hope of comforting me. We were like two peas in a pod, she was your soul sister, sisters by choice, a true testament to friendship. Yes she was all those things to me.

Which is why I feel so alone. Lonely and Alone. When will i laugh again? When will it not feel like betrayal?

My kids see me cry all the time. I try to hide it now but they see my eyes and they know. They’ve asked me if I think I’ll get a new best friend one day. Its that simple to a child.

Sadly the answer is simple too.

No.

 

 

 

 

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One Response to “Stage of Grief – Anger.”

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  1. Stage of Grief – Anger. | myJAMpackedlife - May 18, 2014

    […] Stage of Grief – Anger.. […]

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