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I’ve lost my “Niche”

15 Jul

When I first started this blog, I had no niche. In fact, I never even knew there were niche’s or what a niche was. But as I started to become more active with it, I quickly realized what it is that I enjoyed reading about and what I enjoyed writing about. It was the stuff of everyday life that I loved to talk about before this blog ever came to existance. It was personal finance.

But recently with the loss of my job and therefore money, I no longer have anything to contribute to this area. Its still the area that I enjoy reading about the most. But I just don’t have anything to offer anymore. I don’t have money coming in to divide and play with and work towards paying down debt. I don’t have anything to contribute to savings or an emergency fund. The only activity happening on my part is watching the numbers go down. And as a result, reading about people’s journey to get out of debt, while I’m plunging deeper than I ever have in my whole entire life, is getting depressing.

I wish I had some marvelous story about how we are staying on top during this crisis, but the reality is we aren’t. Or at least that’s what it is starting to feel like anyways. My husbands first year of farming is one big debt pile it seems. There’s loans, lines of credit, cash advances and goodness knows what else that are being generated and utilized and it just seems like its never ending. I can’t even look at his books yet because the whole situation scares the living crap out of me.

All this debt isn’t the way I live. I have never been comfortable with small debt and these numbers are ridiculously huge. Right now, Its hard to imagine getting out of it anytime in our life either. I understand this is a different playing field and owning your own business means dealing with debts and risks, but its just not an area I am comfortable with. I know farmers who have paid a million dollars (literally) for land. How do you ever become debt free after borrowing that kind of money? Or do you? Is it possible to be a farmer and not plagued in debt? It must. How can you live year after year “hoping” things work out and having everything on the line. There must be a way to get on top. I just have to figure this out and make a plan.
Well, perhaps I haven’t lost my niche. Maybe it’s just changing slightly. This new journey we are on is a learning curve in so many ways but my end goal of living debt free is never changing. It’s still my dream.

I have a lot to learn about this new lifestyle we have chosen that’s for sure. I am hoping that my dreams of being debt free are not just empty dreams and I can still work towards that. I still have dreams of paying off the mortgage on our house in the next 7-10 years. I still believe it is possible. I just need to get done this program and get a job. I need a job. I didn’t realize how much of myself what attached to contributing to the family income. I didn’t realize the true value and pride I felt about myself when I was working. I miss it. I actually miss it. All of it. The getting up everyday to go and put myself to use. The waiting and planning for payday. The sense of pride I felt knowing I was taking care of my family. Going to school this past year was tough. But it gave me something to achieve. Something to accomplish. Now that summer is out, I miss that rush. I miss the hustle and bustle. I am enjoying my time with the kids don’t get me wrong, but I enjoy the routine and regularity of everyday working life. I really just want to work. Weird, isn’t it? I never thought I would miss it. I miss the sense of self it provided for me.

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8 Responses to “I’ve lost my “Niche””

  1. Melissa Swedoski July 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

    Isn’t it funny the amount of time we spend complaining and/or just talking about our job, but then when we don’t have it anymore, it suddenly becomes a whole lot more interesting? Here’s hoping that you find something that suits you soon and that you get back on the track you’re missing.
    Stopping by from the Honest Voices linkup. Very clever blog name, btw.

    • myjampackedlife July 23, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

      thanks. noone is more suprised than I am to find me missing work. I never thought i would. Glad you stopped by!

  2. Budget & the Beach July 19, 2013 at 5:14 pm #

    Awe I’m sorry things have been tough on your family and you. 😦 I’m not sure what I an offer to say, only that writing at least helps me sort though what I’m going through and feeling, so I hope you will continue doing that. Don’t worry so much about a niche.

    • myjampackedlife July 19, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

      Thanks. As tough as things are we are learning a lot about ourselves and our goals. I believe we will be better in the end no matter what happens. Thanks for commenting! I am enjoying your blog as well again

  3. momoneymohouses July 16, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

    You’ll be fine, just like me! Everything happens for a reason and things always get better, and those aren’t just sayings, they really are true. 🙂

    • myjampackedlife July 17, 2013 at 10:41 pm #

      I truly do believer that with everything that has happened recently. If not, I go with what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. It works too!

  4. El Guapo July 15, 2013 at 11:43 am #

    Good luck! Hope it’s a short hop to the next job.

    • myjampackedlife July 17, 2013 at 10:41 pm #

      Me too! I really newer tought I would miss having a job so much.

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