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One year JAMpacked anniversary

28 Feb

This week will mark the one year anniversary writing on the blog. I had started it earlier but never did anything with it until the end of Febraruy last year. Over the year I have posted about many things and topics. I started out not sure where I wanted to go with it, found a direction, lost direction and found my way back again.
For those that have been around since the beginning, you will know that I started out wanting to write about personal finance. Like so many other pf bloggers, as they call themselves, topics became redundant and my desires to write about it waned. I wanted to focus more on what was happening in other areas and felt that my readers at that time weren’t interested so I ended up quitting writing. With the focus in our household being just to stay afloat and not focus on some mysterious debt repayment plan, with every post I read about money, saving, budgeting and frugal living, I wanted to rip my eyes out. I was living this all and just didn’t want to be reading about it anymore. I felt I didn’t have anything to offer in terms of advice when my own situation was so messy itself.
I have learned a lot over the past year with the change in our finances. I have learned a lot about what we will do going forward and I’ve learned a lot about what we should have been doing differently. Some day when things get stable again and we start to move forward, I hope to be able to share with everyone those details, but right now, I just can’t. I still really feel close to the edge of financial disaster and talking about it and having to deal with it are two things I just want to avoid a little bit longer. Someday, that will all be behind us, but its too close right now. I guess the only thing that I will say right now is we don’t do anything that can’t be covered monthly. I am surprised with some things we have been able to keep up with, the bills that I figured would add up and carry over till fall are being dealt with, we make our monthly payments and we are even on track to pay off our loan ahead of time. If things stay the same.
And that’s where it stops.
Because things are about to take another nose dive downward. They are about to get very scary and real and suffocating when I think about it. I had a friend ask me the other day how I feel about the change coming up and I told her I don’t think about it, and that is the honest to goodness truth. If you’d ever heard of people living with their heads in the sand, that is completely me right now. I feel if I let myself worry about it, it won’t help, it won’t do anyone any good so why bother.
This has been a year of change. It was scary as hell when it starts last February and I wasn’t sure what life would look like for me right now when I tried to think ahead last year, but we’re OK.
We’ve got another scary year coming up, I won’t lie about that. But if this past year is any indication as to what lies ahead, it helps take some of the pressure off.
Do I wish that all of this never happened? Yes I still do. I’m not confident yet that we can get back to were we once were. Some day I’ll get there and be so thankful for the changes and even the way they were brought about. At least now I can say that much.
I look forward to sharing stories with you all offer the next year, I look forward to new ventures with the blog, I look forward to reading new people and being read by new people!

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