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I really miss you

26 Nov

I have been thinking about this blog everyday for the last however long its been since I last posted anything. The truth is I have still been writing, just not publishing. I wrote some pretty emotional posts about a month back and just couldn’t press the publish button. Once that happened, I began to question what the whole point of this blog is if I can’t share with my readers what I’m really thinking and feeling. Thats what it was supposed to be about wasn’t it?

The truth is its not just my readers that is crippling me, its the fact that so many people in my real life are reading. And while that alone doesn’t bother me, its when I’ve written something that was personal and hard to write in the first place and then to be questioned about it face to face. Im not that well with words as I am with writing words. When I write, I can get it all out, I can make a million edits and remove those things that I shouldn’t have said in the first place.

When its face to face, I clam up and feel extremely uncomfortable having the discussion. I know, thats weird. If I can put it out there for all to see, read and judge, why should it matter if those closest to me want to discuss my posts. I haven’t always felt that way about all my posts. At first it was fun, I enjoyed their in person comments. I loved the fact that they were supporting me and reading and enjoying it. And i still do don’t get me wrong, but sometimes i just want to bare all, put it out there and find comfort in the words. Often after I’ve written and shared something, suddenly whatever was bothering me, isn’t anymore. Like writing it out makes it all better.

I have a series I’d like to share with you this next week. The first post was written about a month ago and it was written through tears. Its emotional and to say I was having a bad day is an understatement. The next two posts are a complete 180. For every bad day I have, there are twice as many where I am totally grateful for where I am today. Remember that.

I look forward to getting back into the swing of things and reconnecting with all of you.

 

 

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