If I had only known then what I know now.

21 Aug

This past Monday I started school. Because I took quite a few classes before the start of the year, my schedule is very casual for the first three weeks. This works out so now since my kids don’t go back to school until after the long weekend so I’m not away from them full time until they are back in school too.
I’ve actually only attended one class so far, but so far I’m really liking it. It’s so weird to be back to the same school after such a long time. I’m definitely looking at it with a different view than the first time around.
The first time I was a young child who had never really been awa from home a whole lot. I wasn’t used to being on my own completely. Whether it was family or friends, there was always someone I knew around. So being thrown into the big city, I felt lost and hopeless. I was terrified to go out on my own and was too scared to fully take part in the whole school experience. Joining a sports team, signing up for fitness classes, going on the pub crawls were all things I would never have done the first time around. I mean, I’m not going to be doing them now either! but for totally different reasons. Then I was scared and uncomfortable. I just wanted it all to be over as fast as possible.
Now, I wish I was that same kid just with all the life and knowledge I now have behind me. My school experience would have been so different. My only priority at this time is the education. I’m there to get the most out of the education and get prepared to get back into the workforce.
I can feel the age difference and the life experience differential between myself and the younger kids in the class already. They are the old me. Lacking confidence, scared but excited, unsure of what will happen when this is all over. I feel a weird peace about it all this time around. I don’t care what they are thinking about me, I’m not afraid to sit alone in the cafeteria or wander around by myself looking for class. I feel a confidence that I don’t feel very often.
It feels good to be there. On my own, for me.


8 Responses to “If I had only known then what I know now.”

  1. Veronica Hill August 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm #

    There seems to be a problem with your comment system, When I left a comment and tried to log in AFTER leaving the comment, it disappeared.

    • myjampackedlife August 24, 2012 at 8:05 am #

      Im getting them, just for some reason it’s not showing for you. I’m hearing you though, so please keep commenting!!

  2. Veronica @ Pelican on Money August 23, 2012 at 11:08 pm #

    Sometimes I think our lives are backwards. We go to school when we’re young, when it’s actually harder to grasp things. We retire when we’re old, when our lives are actually almost over. How can we turn this around?

    Don’t worry, I’ve seen many older people go to the same class as me and they came out on the other end with a new career (a much better paying one too).

    • myjampackedlife August 24, 2012 at 8:04 am #

      It is backwards. Choosing a profession when you are so young just doesn’t seem right to me.

  3. Modest Money August 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    That’s good to hear that you’re enjoying school so far. I hope it is like that for me if I go back to school next year. I’m a little intimidated by the thought of it all, but I guess I just have to remember what it was like the first time around.

    • myjampackedlife August 23, 2012 at 7:07 am #

      oh its very scary indeed for me! but it is very different from the first time. its amazing to be in the same situation only 13 years later and see how much the changes in myself.


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