Would you tell?

14 Mar

I recently found out some teammates of my sons have been selected to play on a higher level team in our off-season. I found out because the child who was chosen, innocently told me. I could instantly see the discomfort on his fathers face as he was telling me and I knew that he wanted the subject changed. So, I pressed on for more information. I asked him all the details, where he would play, when he started, how the tryouts were, etc. Being young and innocent, he told me everything. He was excited, he was proud and he wanted to share his news. And why shouldn’t he?

His mom cornered me awhile later, and asked what he had said to me and how he said it to me. They had told him not to say anything so that none of the other players felt bad or were uspet they hadn’t been asked. I thought, thats nice of you to think of others, but is it really so wrong to share the successes of your own children?

This mom, and not only this mom, but plenty of mom’s I know, myself included, feel awkard about sharing those positive achievements. We are all very  comfortable sitting around sharing the horror stories of our children and how they drive us crazy, but when it comes to their success, we clam up. Is it really more accepting to believe our children are monsters than it is to believe they are wonderful or talented? What is it that we are afraid of then. Could it be our own insecurites – we remember how we felt when someone else got something or did something, is it jealousy –  why aren’t our kids doing this or that? what makes them so special?, or is it the fear of having them judged from that moment on and having all their future actions benchmarked back to that moment? Because now, the moment we share another monster story, people will be like, see – he’s really no better? Or maybe its the fear we ourselves as parents will be judged, look how hard they push their kid, i can’t believe they make their kid do this or that.

Seems to me we try so hard to do the best so our kids will achieve their greatest potential. We stress about breastfeeding vs formula, cosleeping, spanking, what foods to eat. Then when a child does excel, we feel the need to hide it. We live in a world so eager to make sure we all know its OK to be different and unique, embrace your individuality, however, when one excels, that mantra not longer applies.

Do you feel ok about sharing success stories of your children or do you tend to keep them hush hush as well?


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