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Tomorrow marks the end one road, the beginning of another.

29 Feb

About 6 months ago, i found out I would be losing my job. I work for a production facility and due to oversupply in the marketplace, the company had decided to scale back production at our facility. The lab where i work was to be shut down and the analysis would be performed at their sister plant in the US. There were about 35 people in total who would be laid off as a result. I was one of them. Fast forward 6 months and my last day is tomorrow. I worked for the company for a little over 9 years, and while thats not as long as some, many had been there 20 or more years, it still is a blow to your life plan.

The job itself wasn’t riveting, my colleagues were OK. We didnt have a great time at work, we all just came, did our jobs and went home to our lives and that was that. It was fine really, just not as good as it could be. What i loved most about this job, aside from the wage, which in a small town is irreplaceable, was the hours. I worked early in the morning, and was done early afternoon. My husband would take them to school in the morning since he started later so this allowed the kids to be with one of us before and after school. This also allowed me to be the kind of mother I wanted to be. I was able to pick them up from school and take them to all their activities and be active in their lives. No matter what job I take now, that changes and therefore, their life changes.

Im thankful that we had the amount of time to prepare for the lay off as we did. As soon as I found out, i ramped up my savings contributions. I did this obviously to have more money in the bank at the end, but also to prepare us for living on less. Like i said, the wages were very good for a small town, and Im not likely to replace those wages, so I needed to be sure we could live off of half of my previous wage. I think we will be alright for awhile, now I just need to find a job. And again, as i said before, we live in a small town, so there are not that many opportunities to be had. I’m looking and I am hopeful right now.

I’ve been very open and honest with my two older children about the changes that are coming up in the future for them. They understand that I wont be able to be there to pick them up from school most likely once I do find another job. They know that things will still be tight so we won’t be spending anything frivolously. They have been lucky for most of their lives. We don’t have everything, but they don’t want for much either. When they see something they want, they are able to save up their allowance and buy it or we buy it for them because we could. All that will change now. Allowance may not be able to be doled out for awhile, but the expectation of help is still required. Trips to do fun activities will be less, eating out will be less as well. I have been real honest with them about my feelings, how scared I am and they’ve seen me cry. This is a game changer for us. This is the end of our life as we knew it and the start of something new. And that’s scary. Its going to be tough for awhile, and I don’t have all the answers as to what will happen in the future. I will try my best to take care of them and will try to upgrade some education in the hopes of one day returning to the salary I previously  was earning. I will try to do all those things, but I can’t say I know for sure I will be able to. That is what is scaring me, i can see a year down the road, and then its all blurry. I just pray we come out kicking!!!!

Aside from all the fears, I do have hope. I hope my children will learn something very valuable from this experience about money, prioritizing, education, needs vs wants, hard work and fairness of life. I want them to see the struggles and know that nothing is free, take nothing for granted and hard work will pay off in the end. They don’t need to know the nitty gritty finance details but they aren’t blind, or deaf. No matter how hard i try to keep this from them, i won’t be able to.

My biggest anxiety is self inflicted mommy guilt. It kills me inside that I am the reason their whole world is changing. I feel so responsible for upsetting their lives and I feel horrible that Im not going to be able to be there for them like I was before. I love being with my kids and if I don’t have that….well, I just don’t know what that is going to do to me.

I suppose its time for me to get to bed, wake up and face the day tomorrow. It is after all the last day I will know what to expect.

 

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2 Responses to “Tomorrow marks the end one road, the beginning of another.”

  1. Tenille Lafontaine (@FeistyFrugal) March 1, 2012 at 2:43 am #

    This is an amazing REAL post. I loved it, thank you for sharing. And best of luck on your new blog! I think it’s going to be really good for you!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. myJAMpackedlife - July 15, 2012

    […] first post ever was a very real, raw and emotional confession the day before I was laid off. I had no readers or followers so I wrote from the heart for me. It […]

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